Thoughts

I am sitting here in Starbucks catching up on the blogs I love to read when I was truly touched.  I have have been following a couple off and on for the last couple of months.  She struggles with infertility and is not ashamed to talk about it.  Infertility in itself is a hush hush subject.  For those of us who struggle with it, the fact that it is a hush hush subject is hard to deal with on top of the fact that we have a problem with getting pregnant.  Amy has not been shy about her feelings or faith in God during this incredibly hard time trying to make their family complete.

Recently, her and her husband were contacted by a teen mom who wanted to give her baby up for adoption, to them.  That alone takes incredible faith that the birth mom will come through with the promise and give them the baby they have dreamed about.  To remind themselves of the faith they would need to carry them through this, Amy bought a pair of ballerina slippers for the unborn little girl to remind herself that no matter what the outcome is, to have faith that God is in control and that baby will always be loved.

Upon reading this, it reminded me of the countless times I talked Matt into “looking” through the baby section of almost every store we went to.  Poor guy, I was so focused on having a baby, I am so glad he was tolerant of me.  Recently Matt and I decided we should see what would happen if we started to try again.  Kind of a “if it happens” game.  Well, as to be expected, nothing happened.  We have since decided to take a break for awhile.  The next year is full of uncertainties and I don’t want to add the pressure or stress of trying to get pregnant on top of that.   Following Amy and DW, reading their recent news in their journey, reminded me that I need to have faith that God is in control.  Things aren’t on my time, things are on His time, and maybe having another baby right now isn’t the right time. 

Thankfully, I wasn’t the same crazed baby focused woman I was 5 years ago, but the pain of it not happening wasn’t any different.  It was a little easier to accept, a little easier to move on, a little easier to take a step back and let God be in control.  He is the one that gave us the perfect little girl who fills our life with love and laughter.  It has not been an easy road to get the family Matt and I always dreamed for.  I am thankful for Matt and for Gracie.  I thankful for God, He is the one that has blessed my life with them.  Just a little thought, just a little reminder to have faith…